Oh the life lessons we learn...

Soooooooooo,

To make a long story sort of short, Rob and I participated in one of those horrid time share presentations in order to get our 2 night vacation in Seaside, OR. The back and forth correspondence went on for months in order to secure our room. We were even hassled three separate times to upgrade and were told that "we probably won't have as much fun if we don't take the upgrade." I was shocked that this line was the guy's sales pitch. Then he tried to offer us $150 if we would cancel our trip. No, no, no. (1st red flag)

So, the day to leave arrives and first of all, I still have not received our voucher in the mail so I have to call and have them fax it. 2nd red flag.

We head first to Eugene for my cousin Anna's wedding on a perfectly hot sunny day. It was delightful until I went to grab a camping site at the park and read the sign "Entire campground is full." Most of our car was filled with camping chairs, a tent, umbrellas, bedding, coolers, hot dog roasters and all that good stuff. I was a little disappointed and told myself just to let it go. We had an alternative place to stay anyway.

I then talked to my aunt who had an RV site already and she agreed to let us set up our tent on her site. So, back we went to the site and started pulling out gear. When the tent bag was unzipped, Rob asked if I had grabbed the tent poles. Noooooo. Why would I think that they were anywhere but with the tent? Well, they didn't fit when he had packed it up the last time and sure enough, they were still in our garage at home. So, we packed up the gear again and went to Plan C. We stayed at my cousin's house and it turned out to be a relaxing evening. Turns out it rained that night so we were spared the wet tent and pack up before church.

Sunday was spent getting to our "motel" in Seaside and we pulled up at 9:00pm. It was dark by then and I should have known (3rd red flag) how bad the place was by the smell of the office when I checked in. 150 year old air mixed with old books and cat pee is a pretty close description.

After a brief conversation with the host about how upset he was with the time share company, we quickly smuggled our kids past the smoking poker players and into our 1 bed shack of a room. Upon inspection, I feared that I would catch a disease just by looking at it. The kids slept on a blanket on the brown shag carpet and I told them if they rolled off it in the night, I would kill them if the carpet didn't do the job first. After one trip over it in my bare feet and feeling the stickiness of it, I never took my shoes off again.

I have documented this little experience to the best of my knowledge for your own enjoyment.

I don't want to name any names but the name of the hotel starts with a ROY and ends with an ALE. Never, ever, ever decide to stay here. If you see this sign, turn around and run away screaming.

To give you a big healthy "Welcome" they like to let the siding rot away before your very eyes just so you know you have stepped into the classy neighborhood.

Why waste your money on a fruit basket, a beautiful pale of cigarette ashes is just the ticket. Nothing says "mi casa es su casa" like a hillbilly ash tray.

Upon checking in, all you want to do is take a hot shower and here we have a perfect example of where to put that pesky hair that has stuck to your hand after leaving the shower and just FYI, it is not mine.

Complimentary with every room, you get your very own, homespun, spider web in your bathroom window complete with starved arachnid. My guess is that the last person to stay here was during the gold rush.

And if one wasn't enough, you can have them installed in your living area as well, free of charge.

Because Seaside can get chilly at night, each room comes equipped with its own burn-the-hotel-down rusted heater unit. It could be 50 below and I wouldn't touch this thing.

I especially liked the aesthetically pleasing centered light above the mirror effect. Who likes symmetry anyway?

Ummm, the fridge stayed really cold. That was a bonus.

Now, this picture is one of my favorites. I am not sure if it is the carpet that, I swear, used to be white, the pink hue to the heating unit or if it is the warped and smoke & water damaged wallpaper. Also pictured is the pillows and bedspread that were immediately thrown to the floor. It's all pretty even as far as I am concerned.

Apparently, this is Norman Rockwell print is a hot item since it was screwed to the wall of the bathroom. I hear people ask for this room specifically just to gaze at it's beauty. I was sure tempted to take it but there wasn't a hair attached to it, so I passed.

Try not to be jealous but this was our view. The restricted window movement makes me think they installed this during the depression when people were committing suicide.

At least they were gracious with the towels. Yep, nothing I like better than drying off with a washcloth.

The sink did not drain and the drain was rusted green. We were so lucky.

So, needless to stay, we would rather lick the toilet seat than stay another night there. So we walked across the street to the brand new Comfort Inn and told them our sob story. They let us have the room for the same price that the brothell would have charged. We were SOOOOOO grateful. That night, we watched the silent rain fall from our balcony over the river. It was the presidential sweet as far as we were concerned. The kids slept well, we showered in a granite shower and I didn't contract HIV.

All in all, we had the most spectacular time in Seaside. I loved every minute of our time on the beach and walking on Broadway. We rented a surry and predaled around town for an hour...

We played on the swings at the beach....

We threw our budget out the window at "The Buzz on Broadway" candy store. They had over 60 flavors of the most delicious salt water taffy, 200 kinds of nostalgic root beer and many flavors of dipped twinkies. Rob kept turning in circles and wimpering with delight. It is by far my favorite memory.