How I Became UNpregnant! (A Novel)

I have much to share with you about my journey over the past 9 months as I have been keeping the news of “being with child” from many. Many were shocked that I didn’t say anything to my parents and siblings until I was about 7 months along and some even just days before I was due. I didn’t keep things a secret because I am stubborn or even out of spite, I just wanted to carry on as normal as possible so that this unplanned pregnancy would just move a little faster. If no one talks about it, it seems to occupy less of your mental time. Plus when you can keep a surprise to the last minute, how much more fun is the reaction? Most info got out due to unplanned visits but I know there are many who didn’t know until Tatum’s picture was posted.

I will follow this post later on with a rewind of how I coped with my growing belly and my resentment in the beginning. My red heels, girl’s nights out, deciding to deliver at home and Tatum’s first ultrasound performed by her father just to name a few.

So it is my greatest pleasure to share with you the story of how I became UNpregnant!

Up until the last week, it had been cool and comfortable here. But not after the 4^th of July. I was due July 7 and was SURE that I would deliver by then. July 4^th I even considered drinking a castor oil shake to induce labor but then made the decision to let nature run its course even though I would have loved a 4^th of July baby.

July 7^th came and went and so did the cool weather. For 3 days I was miserable physically and mentally waiting for this baby to come. I even took drastic measures Friday evening and sat in the kids’ pool for about an hour just trying to keep the swelling down.

Saturday July 10^th was Indiana’s birthday party at Bounce It Up but instead at 3:15 in the morning, I was awakened with a slightly strong contraction. 20 minutes later, I had another and something inside me told me that today was the day. Of all the days to pick, this stubborn child was going to choose to share birthdays for the rest of her life with her brother.

I have had one too many pictures from my previous children’s births with bed head so I decided at 4am to do my hair and put on a little mascara in preparation for the not so pretty event to come. Seems a little vain but hey, “look good, play good.” (Right Martha?)

In those wee hours of the morning, the contractions never got worse or closer together and I found myself lonely and bored. My mom, who had been here since June 29^th, found me in front of the TV at about 6:30 and she simply said something to the effect of, “you ready to do this?” I said, I think so. She was on her way to pick up my brother in Tacoma and I was completely amazed by the irony. She hasn’t left the house all week and then the second she has to, I go into labor. While she was gone, I put the finishing touches on the cupcakes for Indy’s birthday party and luckily she arrived back without missing much in the way of contractions or excitement.

We were due at Bounce It Up at 10am and I just went forward with getting kids ready to go, stopping every 15-20 minutes to concentrate on the pain in my abdomen. I have to admit I was feeling a little confused at this labor process since I had never experienced this length of uncertainty before. My previous labors have come on strong, stayed strong and finished up fast. This long, drawn out process left me second guessing if this was for real or if I just had the worst case of gas ever. (TMI)

So, at 9:30, I decided that if I was in labor, I would rather take my mind off of it at a birthday party than stay at home wondering all alone while my son celebrated his 6^th birthday without me. So, off we went to the party, slowly I might add, which luckily was just about 4 miles away.

As guests arrived, I stayed hunched over the counter, welcoming the young ones to the party. My mom decorated and I chatted here and there with parents, stopping a few times to pause in concentration. Everything gradually figured out I was in labor but no one really knew at what stage. From 10-11am, I took pictures, walked around and watched the kids get all sweaty from having the time of their lives. Shortly after 11am, we gathered the 17 kids into the party room for cupcakes, ice cream and presents. I scooped some ice cream, wouldn’t sit down and took more pictures. Indy started opening gifts and in true July theme, received 7 water guns which is ironic considering what happened next.

At 11:30, just before he finished opening his gifts, I was hit with another contraction and excused myself mentally from the party. During that contraction, I felt a small click/pop/flick inside my belly and I was instantly aware of what that could mean. I could hear moms around me telling my daughter to wait just a second since she was trying to get my attention. I was in the zone. I finally opened my eyes, instructed Indy to say thank you to everyone for coming and reluctantly and slowly stood up. Just as I had anticipated, a slow trickle went down the inside of my leg and I was 100% sure I didn’t have to pee. I let out a little chuckle and looked at my mom.

“I think my water just broke.” And I received a confirming contraction with those words.

Instantly every adult head in the room whipped around in my direction looking at me and then the floor. Seeing dry cement, they all asked the same thing, “are you sure?” I told them I was sure and then the room went into crazy mode. Everyone pitched right in barking orders of we’ll take care of the clean up and we’ll get the kids and Rob, get the car. I waddled over to my purse, gathered the camera and then made my way to the car. At 11:40 Rob drove me home and we arrived by 11:50. I immediately called Toni, my midwife and told her it was definitely time. She said she was jumping in her car and would be there in 30 minutes. 30 minutes seemed like an eternity from then.

I went upstairs and changed into a gown – no restrictions for delivery but the top part of you is covered.

With my first child, I was not aware that you oft times get left in the nude while in labor because you don’t seem to care when people are stripping you down. (TMI) Then you get to look back on those pictures years later with your most attractive bosoms hanging out and then you wonder “why didn’t anyone cover me up?” I really don’t have any actual pictures, just mental ones luckily.

Back to the story. I changed into my gown and checked my hair and then had a contraction that made my legs shake so I found the side of the bed and that is where I stayed until it was time. During a few of the contractions, Rob was trying to be helpful by being there as a support but staying out of the way at the same time and so, naturally, he was playing Tetris on his ipod. I was KEENLY aware of this and even though there really was nothing he could do, I was feeling just a tad bit insulted that he was having a little fun while I was "having a little fun." So, after one contraction I grabbed that ipod and chucked it.

He got the message. Luckily, considering the circumstances, he just laughed and said he understood. Poor husbands out there...they can't do anything right while we are in labor.

Contractions? Oh yah. Contractions are no joke. They hurt so much that if someone were to saw your arm off with a butter knife it would probably hurt less.

Rob once asked me what I could liken them to and I told him it was like a brain freeze, but because it covers your entire midsection, the pain is greater as well. Both are debilitating. You have to close your eyes to get through the pain and the only thing you can think is how you can’t wait for it to pass. And when it does…how sweet is the relief. Am I right? Rob thought maybe a Charlie horse was about the same idea. Yes, a wild, bucking, rabid, Charlie horse in your stomach…that sounds about right.

Ok, I really am going to get back to the story this time. Toni arrived 35 minutes later and had just enough time to unpack her bag of tricks. When I knew I was in the transition stage, when the contractions were at their worst and I was almost fully dilated, I felt the desire to lie down. I will tell you that I was afraid to move, fearing the pain would get worse. The contractions were not subsiding now, just barely tapering off. Toni was exactly what I needed her to be…virtually invisible. Now that may sound harsh but that was what spurred my desire to birth at home in the first place. I wanted less intervention. No doctor telling me how I need to feel, how I “need” Pitocin, how I should push harder. I wanted one less nurse taking my blood pressure every half hour, unwrapping the baby at 3:00am and 4:00am and telling me how I need to answer more health history questions, and calling me sweetie. I’ll show you “SWEETIE!” I just wanted someone there to make sure I didn’t deliver my kidneys instead and maybe spread a little KY in the right place. Plus, she would be able to tell me if something was really wrong.

Anyway, I felt it most natural to lie on my side and Toni instructed Rob to lift my leg. She checked, I was at a 9 and the pressure was intense enough that she let me push. She let me do pretty much whatever I felt like my body needed to do. If I wanted to quit pushing, she was fine with that. If I wanted to roll over, I could do that too. I told her I just wanted to go to sleep. She said she understood. When I started pushing, of course the pressure was about as intense as you can imagine anything to be. It was so unappealing yet naturally desirable at the same time. You want to push to get rid of the pain and the fire but you want to just walk away from it all at the same time. I immediately started shaking and up until this point, I was pretty quiet. I tend to just whimper a little when I am at the peak of contractions, sometimes whispering about how I don’t want to do this but when I am pushing, I carry on conversations with myself. “So much pressure.” “Hurts so much.” “Need to push.” You pretty much are sure you are going to self-implode at any moment. This CANNOT be natural. Can it?

But……

But, while you are in it, you just know this is how it has to be and a little part of you feels grateful to experience something so pure, so amazing, so special. Something that no man will ever know and no woman will ever experience quite like you. Something you know you will never forget and cannot be explained. It changes you, forever. It never hurts so much that you lose that little part of you.

I started to push, my mom held my hand (I didn’t know until later that it was her), Toni reminded me how to breathe, Rob held my leg and I pushed again. I would have thought I was pushing out my entire insides but I knew better. One large push and my mother informed me that the head was out. And the pressure and fire and pain didn’t let up. I was half way and getting ready to combust. The feeling is so powerful that it throws your whole body into convulsions. I pushed with all my might, waiting for the long awaited feeling of utter relief. 9 months of wanting this feeling and I was going to cherish every last millisecond.

She came out in a burst of awesomeness at 12:55pm (just 1 ½ hours after my water broke) and my mother once again announced I was done. I WAS DONE! I buried my head in the pillow and just sobbed. I have never been one to want to grab that gooey baby so I tend to pass on the offer but this time, I thought, why not? Who cares? I took her in my arms with a blanket and thanked my Heavenly Father for this amazing gift. I was just so happy.

Toni waited for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing to deliver the rest of the nutrients and then Rob cut it with Toni’s supervision.

I didn’t tear, (TMI) Toni delivered the placenta when I was ready, which was not really a big deal and then I rested. Tanika, Toni’s assistant, showed up later to weigh Tatum and help clean up. There really wasn’t anything to do but throw away some big plastic lined cloths.

I had done it. I had delivered at home. I didn’t have to fill out any discharge papers, I didn’t have to have the nurses check my hospital bracelets to make sure my baby’s matched mine and I didn’t have to travel home. I just laid down and checked all that off my list without moving a muscle.

Toni checked my blood pressure a couple times, I took a shower, all 5 of us chatted for awhile and then within a couple hours, Toni and Tanika left.

My 3 other kids who had been playing over at the neighbor’s came home and we all piled onto the bed together. We shared a moment for awhile just adoring this new thing that had just come into our lives.

Later, I heard from my neighbor, Lori that as soon as Eden found out that Tatum was born, she ran straight to Lori’s and exclaimed, “She’s here, she’s here!” Lori asked her if she was cute and Eden, with all the excitement in the world, replied, “I don’t know yet but I’m sure she is!” She then ran to tell another neighbor and Lori said it was the most precious thing she had ever seen.

In my opinion, home birth is not for everyone. It is not for the high risk, for first time moms, or even those who need constant instruction. But if you are confident that your body will do what it is supposed to do, are okay with a natural birth and have had fairly uncomplicated births previously, I can’t recommend highly enough the beauty of a simple home birth. I loved everything about it. My children close by in the neighborhood who don’t need to be transported to the hospital. No medicine complications and after effects. No busyness of the hospital. No monitors, curtains, uncomfortable beds, lactation consultants “squeezing”, restrictions, packed hospital bags, dietary restrictions, no no no.

The rest of the day, we opened Indy’s birthday gifts, ate good food and relaxed with the tiny treasure all in the comfort of my own home.

I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing labor and delivery. There isn’t anything I regret or would change. It was incredible. Recovery was awesome as well and many will attest to that. I was outside walking around within hours feeling like I had just recovered from a rough bout with the flu but nothing more. I was known as a superstar throughout the neighborhood and my reputation spread like fire. I felt like a superstar. The adrenaline from labor stayed with me the rest of the day and I ate up every second of that special experience.

I am pretty sure I never want to do it again though. Four times was enough for me.

Interesting Tidbits:

• Toni told me that my blood pressure and heart rate never went up the entire time I was in labor. Isn’t that amazing considering?
• My 3 months of swollen feet returned to normal within minutes of giving birth.