It was an absolute pleasure to see my grandmother.Although I haven't blogged about our Christmas vacation yet, the most important part was saying goodbye to my grandmother.
She is 75 today! She made it to her 75th birthday!
She is dying from lung cancer.
A few weeks ago she found out that she would probably not live another year...and now it looks like she won't live another month. So grateful I live close enough.
This once vibrant woman exists only in my memories as now she lies in bed waiting for her turn. I have endless memories of visiting her down the lane. Too many to count. She raised 9 children, has 37 grandchildren and 27 great grandchildren.
I took Tatum to meet her great grandmother for the first time. I kept a brave face but I was weak compared to her. Her face is full of appreciation, acceptance, understanding and courage. She smiled constantly.
We talked, she thanked me for coming, we both knew it was happening and why I was there.
I let her hold her great granddaughter and revel in days gone by, how she wouldn't see her grow up but I was wrong. She caught me off guard when she said "Rachel, I am not afraid of dying. I will always be with you." I sobbed on her shoulder. I am the oldest grandchild and I am honored to be so.
I laid next to her for a few minutes while she and my mother talked about pain medication. I had to go but said I would be back later.
I saw her a couple more times to bring her soup but then on our way home, I stopped in. I have my own family, I had to go. I brought the kids in and took one last picture with her. Rob took the kids to the car and I stood there, speechless.
I said "I love you." She said "I love you." And as I backed quietly out of the room just taking it in one last time, her face disappearing behind the door, I heard her whisper, "You will always be my number one." My favorite thing she says.As we start our 9 hour drive home, knowing it is the last time I would see her in this lifetime, I am overcome. Rob rubs my arm and I bury my head in my hands. Why does it have to make your heart ache?
Luckily, I will see her again.
Happy Birthday grandma!!
Love yours always,
your Number One
6 comments:
Thanks for making me cry. What a sweet post, Rachel. Yes, you will see her again.
You made me cry! :(
sweet.
You made me cry too. I haven't been able to drop by and say hi or anything between sick kids and sick husband the past few weeks. I so want to...I'm not family, but Elsie was a second mom to me in high school between young womens, girls' camp and seminary and just by being such a wonderful friend. She gave me such wonderful advice as I headed off to BYU and later my mission. And more recently gave me such special words about having a daughter of my own now and how special that bond is. She is such a great person.
Beth Lee
What a beautiful tribute, Rachel and I love you so much but don't count me out yet This is a good day. Grandma T.
Rachel,
That made me cry. I can't imagine what you are going through but I can just imagine how positive and grateful and peaceful Elsie is. She is a wonderful woman and a perfect example of what a woman, wife, mother should be. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
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