Move over Kirkland...Justin is in the house

Once upon a time, I couldn't live without Kirkland Signature Peanut Butter.  But the powers that be, took it away because of an e.coli scare.  

Then, I lost all hope for a happy life.

I was just about to commit a grievous sin and pick up a jar of Skippy when what did my eyes behold on the Costco shelf but my precious KS peanut butter returning to it's former bright spot in my life.

But it did not return, like I had imagined, in its former glory.  It was......

gasp!  

Not organic but "natural".

They thought we wouldn't notice.

At the time, I didn't notice, nor did I care.

But oh my blessed soul does it matter!!

Like Miracle Whip on a BLT, it matters!!

At first bite my love began to wain.   It lacked the right balance of salt, nuttiness and the zest of Adam Levine's smolder.  I grew restless with every spoonful until I was left empty and lost only half way through the jar. 

When your pet goldfish, Bubbles dies, you lose that same part of your heart.  

Until, a miracle.

One day, an accidental walk down the health food isle at Fred Meyer resulted in an epic mistake that has forever changed my life.  

20% off was what the yellow tag screamed but "Maple" had me intrigued.  It was the story on the side of the label that sold me and the $8 jar of almond butter reluctantly landed in my cart.

I have to admit, I didn't trust Justin fully with my heart until after several lunch dates.  At first I was reluctant to let my first love go but the more I hung out with Justin and his Maple Almond Butter, the more I couldn't stand to be away from it.

I am pretty sure J slipped a pill in my butter because I am head over heels for this stuff.

It's a tiny bit rough around the nutty edges and every bit powerful like the Serengeti.  It's hypnotic mostly and worth a wild ride on the tongue for a good 23 seconds.


Honestly, I don't like to share my time with my almond butter so I rarely go on double dates.  But when I do, I don't monkey around and I choose a banana.  Every time.  It's the only combo that works well enough to boast about.  Trust me on this one, it's down right immoral.  You oscillate between ripe and rough, smooth and salty, chewy and charming.

But if you want the true, wicked awesome, straight up gangsta facts...go naked.  

Right out of the fridge, right off the spoon, savoring every last pasty smear is by far, my pairing of choice.  

This is where my life is today. 

 I am in a low-down dirty place filled with cuss words and salty tears.  

Don't ever let yourself go to rock bottom and keep a big enough stash of Justin's Almond Butter in your fridge to last you into the millennium.