One beautiful sunny day, (or maybe it was raining, who
knows) a man named Rob headed off to a normal day of work. He was dressed in business casual with some
dark slacks and a collared shirt. After a
busy morning of scanning patients, he decided he would head to Safeway to grab
a bagel and some deli meat for his lunch.
When he arrived at his parking space outside the office, he noted the
car parked next to him was hogging the line and getting into his truck was
going to be difficult. He opened his
door carefully, and extended his right leg into the cab, which required a
medium splits position and upon doing so, heard a “pop” sound. The seam in the front of his pants had torn
open and he was showing off some serious crotch-area underwear. What’s a man to do in such an emergency involving
his “junk?”
Do not call his wife of course! There must be some solution.
Maybe it would not be that noticeable,
he thought to himself. If he just placed
a towel across his lap no one would notice.
But he knew that was not going to work at all. After some thought a decision was made to
find some safety pins that could be used to temporarily support this awesome
situation. As he neared the local Safeway
and Rite Aid he thought getting some council may be advisable so against his better
judgment, he rang his wife.
His wife answered the phone and heard of his predicament and
also his proposed solution. He told her
of his desire to go and buy a box of safety pins and take care of the matter
back at work. However, being of frugal
mind, his wife just about blew a gasket over the inflated cost a box of safety
pins would surely be at a grocery store.
It seemed overly dramatic to purchase such a thing when there were
hundreds of safety pins at home. She
tried like crazy to talk him out of it and suggested the stapler at work would
do the trick just fine for free. After
much arguing and a ridiculously heated hang up, Rob went inside Safeway against
his wife’s wishes and looked for a box of safety pins to no avail.
Lucky for him lest he suffer the wrath of the ol’ ball and
chain who is overly anal about staying on budget.
So, back to work went Rob with his bagel, honey ham and open
tent flap heading for the nearest stapling contraption. As he approached the office his thoughts
turned to where he could find a stapler so that he could lock the door in a lab
room and attempt this surgery. As he
looked around it became almost comical that a stapler could not be found
anywhere. He eventually found one in a
back office room that was very close to the bathroom door. This should be easy, grab it and go, however,
there were two women packing up boxes of papers and practically hovering around
the only stapler within a hundred miles.
So now what? He couldn’t just
grab the stapler and head into the bathroom.
As he grabbed it and moved toward the bathroom, he could almost
read their minds as they wondered why he needed to staple paperwork in the
bathroom. Seeing no other option, Rob
ever so quietly slipped the stapler under his arm and headed casually to the
bathroom.
His lunch break was quickly coming to an end and a patient was
scheduled at 1:00 so it was time to get this done. He set the stapler down, removed his shoes,
unbuckled his belt, stripped off his pants and turned them inside-out. Sitting down
on the toilet he imagined what someone would think if the door had been left
unlocked and came barging in to this scene.
Seeing the humor at this
predicament and chuckling to himself, he
pinched the seam with one hand, clamped the stapler down on the fabric and then…
NO STAPLES!!!
No kidding.
After a deep sigh, he almost called his wife from the bathroom to share his
plight but due his self-proclaimed, unspoken rule of not talking on the phone
in the bathroom, he refrained.
Since he didn’t have time to redress, fill the stapler and
go back in, he sat cross legged as he scanned his waiting patient and hoped she
wouldn’t get any ideas. Later, he made
the staple attempt a second time with modest success.
When he got home that day, his wife saw his pathetic attempt
at stapling and realized that she needed to educate her husband on the fine art
of stapling fabric correctly in a high stress situation.
This story goes to show you the high stress
environment that Rob works in every day.
That man needs a raise…and a box of staples!
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