Hey Old Man!! Happy Pappy Birthday!!

My dad..................what a man! I've got a short but long story for your pleasure and once again, a good laugh at my expense.

I remember vividly the mornings of scripture study in our mobile home in Etna, California. The house was heated solely by a wood stove and so the only warmth in the mornings was gathering around it in the living room; thus, it is where we held family scripture study. It was a tradition of warmth and also comfort to come dressed in our blankets and settle in a cozy chair or couch corner. Here we would attempt to stay awake, or in my case, at least look like I was awake.

Now, it is amazing to me that the older I become, the stupider I realize I was. I watch my younger siblings duplicate the same “antics” that I tried as a youth and because I invented them, I know they are full of bologna when they try something. I didn’t have someone older than me to tattle but you can bet that when I saw something happening that I had already mastered, I went right to mom. I wasn’t going to let anyone in my family get away with my shams. If you will allow me to get off track a little bit, I will demonstrate what I mean.

My mother is kind of a health nut in the sense that we didn’t get a lot of the sugar-coated cereals or Twinkie inspired desserts when we were kids. We got plenty of homemade cookies and cakes but when all our friends were having Hostess Ding Dongs and Lucky Charms, we were having oatmeal raisin cookies and toasty oats. You can only imagine how much we craved these things and if they made it to the pantry cupboard, they didn’t last long. We were like lions to the kill. One of my finer inventions was the “stomach ache candy rob.” Dad always kept his sweet stash in the top drawer of his dresser. As if that was a secret! I had perfected the art of making sure the coast was clear, (of parents and siblings alike) creep into the bedroom, grab some candy, bundle it up in the lower part of my shirt and proceed to walk out, doubled over in “pain”. I would walk that way all the way back to my room or wherever I was sneaking off to, moaning in the process just in case I came upon someone who might question my motives. I can remember feeling really silly if I put on this great theatrical presentation and no one was around. Even though that might have made it a lot easier to get away with, it wasn’t any fun trying to avoid being caught.

I can’t remember ever being caught but as I grew up, I didn’t need to sneak but I can remember seeing my younger brothers and sisters doing it and wanting to yell out, “Hey, I know what you are doing, you can’t do that, I invented that trick!” I was somewhat of a tattletale just to see if I was right. I cannot figure out to this day why that gave me gratification. It is actually a sick form of torture I put my siblings through that wasn’t very fair.

Anyway, back to scripture study in the cold mornings. Like I said before, I tried to look like I was awake while my dad read from the Book of Mormon. If I didn’t sit up and take off my blanket, I would inevitably drift off into a doze only to awaken to my name being called and then a question being asked about what was just read. I was tired of being “found out” so I cleverly thought that if I looked awake, then I was, right? Surely dad would fall for that. So, my bright idea was to keep my foot out from under my blanket and wiggle it in circles so that dad would see that I was awake and listening intently.

I really think it worked for awhile because it really did take an alert mind to keep my foot moving but gradually I couldn’t stay awake any longer and I’d doze off. Now, I can’t tell you for sure, because obviously I was asleep, but I think that I kept that foot moving even in sleep. If I was smart enough, I think that I would have realized that that is virtually impossible. I am sure I stopped and that must have woken me up thus alerting me to start wiggling again. The more I think about it, the more I realize that this worked mostly to my dad’s advantage.

I bet it was quite amusing to my father to see my feet wiggling and then stop and then jump to a quick start again out of horror that I had let it stop too long.Then one morning I knew that my plot was spoiled when in the middle of a “doze” I remember hearing the words of the scriptures being read something like this. “Nephi went unto the land of just because you are wiggling your foot doesn’t mean you’re awake and so it came to pass in the third year of the reign of the judges.” I don’t think I ever used that wiggling tactic again.

Happy Birthday Dad. Thanks for always making me laugh with your stupid humor. Stupid because it is always funny and I don't want to give you the satisfaction of laughing. Thanks for instilling in me, the importance of listening to the scriptures and the blessings of having the gospel in my life.

Happy 52nd Birthday Dad!! You have really changed from geek to even bigger geek!

I am your biggest fan!!